What To Do The Next Day After A Disclosure of Gender Confusion

Your adult child has disclosed their same-sex attraction, transgender or relationship during the holidays. In your crisis moment, you are falling apart, devastated! You never saw it coming! You feel hopeless and you are emotionally going downhill every day. Where do you go to get your life back?

Go to your prayer place and release your pain to Jesus

Your pain is so real and, if you hold it in, you will suffer even more. You must release it to Jesus. He wants to take it from you. This is not wishful thinking. Jesus prepared his disciples for his departure in John 16:16-22. Jesus knew his disciples would suffer the loss of Jesus when He left the earth. This is no different than the loss you are suffering. Your loss is the loss of your hopes and dreams for your child and yourself. It feels like your dreams are dying. That is no different than the death of a loved one. This is no different than the death of Jesus. This is not the end of the story.” Jesus will bring you joy when you release your pain and loss to him. He really does care when you are hurting.

Your heart will one day rejoice! This is exactly what Jesus said to his disciples. “So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.” This is the redemption of your dreams!  This is a promise, not a wish. Jesus will take your sorrow and turn it into your joy one day. Jesus compared this to the pain you felt in birthing your child contrasted by the joy you felt when you saw your baby boy born. This is pure joy.

Go to find HOPE

Be encouraged by watching this amazing testimony of a young man, Kegan Wesley who was saved out of same-sex attraction. I have sat in my office many times listening to parents who have been praying for their sons for years. The reason they are in my office is that their son came to me no longer wanting his same-sex attraction any longer. This is hope, this is redemption.

Go to your support system

Your support system is a lifeline when you are drowning in the sea of emotional pain. Your support system is anyone who is emotionally safe and has the capacity to care for you. You know who they are. They are the people you can tell the most difficult things about yourself and they accept and care for you. It doesn’t matter what their roles in life are such as pastor, leader or teacher. What does matter is that they are emotionally safe for you. Cloud and Townsend write about this in, “Safe People”. By the way, this “safe person” may not be your spouse.

Support groups for parents with same-sex adult children are emerging as the need continues to increase. Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays (PFOX) is a great place to find a local support group. If there are no groups in your area, PFOX will guide you in starting one. In southern California, I encourage you to find a parent support group through Living Stones Ministry located in Glendora. Find them online at https://www.livingstonesministries.org/.

Go to professional counseling

Professional counselors (MFT, PhD, LCSW, LPCC), who specializes in treating same-sex attraction, can help you through the crisis and into life, again. Start by asking your pastor or pastors of larger churches for referrals, or go to the national organizations for referrals (PFOXThe Alliance For Therapeutic ResearchRestored Hope Network, Living Stones Ministry). If you cannot find any referrals, you can contact me and I will try to assist you. Contact by going to my “contact us” link above.

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