While there are many causes of homosexuality, this tops the list. Wait, let’s back up. The gay community will tell you that there are no “causes” of homosexuality; a person is just born that way. In an earlier post, I debunked that myth. There is no body of research that proves that there is a gene that predetermines same-sex attraction or transsexualism. Among causes the contribution of family relationships is huge. In my experience the presence of family dynamics is present is 90% of the cases of same-sex-attraction and transsexualism.
Family Dynamics, What is It?
Every individual is born into a family. Hopefully a mother and father but sometimes a single parent or no parent. The parents or parental roles make up the family system. Sometimes the parental role is an adoptive parent or even the adults at an orphanage. Typically, this involves the relationship between the husband and wife and how it impacts the child. It also involves the individual relationship between a parent and child. In many SSA cases, the marriage is divided by a passive man and a controlling woman. The result is that the child’s world is shaped by a passive man and a controlling woman.
When a child is governed by these characteristics, he or she is not able to form a healthy, loving bond with either parent. Dad is too distant and uninvolved and mother is too controlling to experience an unconditional love necessary for healthy formation. The child has serious needs to be fulfilled in order to develop their gender in a healthy way. When mother and father cannot be emotionally available to the child, then the child learns to accommodate the parents’ dysfunction by serving the parents needs.
A blatant example is an alcoholic parent. This parent is consumed in their pain and efforts to comfort themselves. This parent cannot be stable and emotionally available to connect with the child in an unconditional manner. At this point, the child’s gender development can be delayed, hindered or skewed.
Real, Lasting Change
I have been fortunate to work with parents of children who are four or five years old. The children are expressing abnormal gender behaviors. Boys obsessed with girl fantasy such as being a Disney princess. Girls wanting to play with boy things and are completely uninterested in the feminine. By working with parents to identify unhealthy ways of relating to their child they are often able to make changes to the relationship. Within two or three months the child begins to get back on track with their gender development that is consistent with their birth gender.
Every parent is imperfect as a parent. No need to feel guilty about that. The good news is that regardless of the age of their child, changes can be made to the relationships between the parent and child that can make a difference in their gender development. What? You heard correctly, no matter what age your child is, no matter how same-sex attracted they are it can change! I hope you are seeing the gold in this. I am saying that changes in your relationship with your child can have an impact on their gender identity and behaviors.
This may be the first time you have heard this change can occur. Parents, there is something you can do to impact change of your son or daughters gender identity. You won’t hear about this on the news, 60 minutes or even in the church. You heard it here! I see this change occur often. The change requires parents to examine how they relate to their children. It also requires that parents look at themselves, their brokenness, etc. The good news is that change can occur quickly. God is the God of change and quick turnarounds. There is always hope! Never give up.